Can You Still Be Friends With Someone 20 Years Later?—Part 2

I first asked this question back in November. My reasons for asking the question had to do with a particular situation with someone I knew long ago.

I received sage advice from Jaded and Pobble, which I sincerely appreciate and for me, hit the nail on the head.

In thinking about this long-lost friend I have pretty much determined that resurecting a friendship 20 years later is no easy task. In this particular instance I have come to the conclusion that the answer is no, we are not going to pick-up where we left off over 20 years ago and resume our friendship. This is through no fault of my own, which until recently I did not accept.

She and I have essentially an e-mail relationship. She sends me innane forwarded e-mails almost on a daily basis. Other than forwarding crap to me, I do not get personal e-mails from her unless I reply to something that she has sent me. I have made a sincere effort to regain her friendship and so far this is all that I have received in return. When I was back home for our class reunion, I made an effort to see her, which she ignored. At first I was annoyed and then after a while, I decided that I have been doing all the work to reconnect and getting not so much in return, so I’m done .

It boils down to the fact that our lives have gone in completely different directions and we no longer have anything in common except that when we were little girls we were best friends.

I’m at the point where after many years, I have, as far as I am concerned, made my amends with her and I can finally be at peace with the situation. We are both in different places in our lives and I no longer harbor regrets about the friendship. We may or may not remain in touch with each other, but whatever happens I feel confident that can accept it.

I’m still not sure what motivates me to dig up people from my past. She is not the first person from my past who I have found/contacted. I have also had people find me through similar circumstances.

There are two guys from college that contacted me through our alumni organization. I am in regular contact with one of them and we were able to easily reconnect. We haven’t seen each other face-to-face since he graduated school and left Pittsburgh.

The other guy who contacted me told me that he loved me the night of our college graduation to which I replied “I know.” Classic! He was engaged to someone else at the time. To this day, I’m still not sure why once every five years or so he contacts me.

There are many people that have come and gone in my life. Some friends, some past loves. Sometimes I wonder where they are and what they are doing. I think that this experience, with this particular friend, has taught me that I should just let the past go and cherish the memories.

It doesn’t do much good to dwell on past relationships. I no longer feel the need to wonder “what if”. anymore. I have many good friends and relationships here in the present. Some older and some in their infancy. I am happy with where I am in my life and I can let things go more easily these days. It has taken me a very long time to get here.